what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
