And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
