If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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