Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
