im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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