You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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