i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
