so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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