I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She even gives head with a lisp.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Randomize