Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
