I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
