does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
