I want to stick my p in your. b.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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