He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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