She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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