I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
