Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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