Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
