It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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