I think im going to throw up on grandma
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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