so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
