i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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