Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
