I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
