he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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