did you get engaged???
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
