4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
