I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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