Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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