so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wear drunk well.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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