The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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