I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
