OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
