what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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