I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
