he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
