The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
