it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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