i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
that's an acceptable place to lick
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
