Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
