1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
