my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
