we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
