jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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