She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
