If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
