He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize