I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
