Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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