I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
