everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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