I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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