I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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