I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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