and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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