she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize