Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
