just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
