I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
