Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
