come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
