that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
