Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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