No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
dude. I can hear the air.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
