in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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