It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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