Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
