We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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